“Your type may be the reason you’re single.” Sounds familiar? Well, it struck a chord with me too. And J. Wesley agrees. At least thats what I took from his Instagram post, a quote from his poetic book, “Write His Wrongs.”
“I wonder how many blessings have been overlooked because the person God sent didn’t match the picture of the person you wanted. God knows what I want and he’ll send it. Some of our greatest mistakes at one time was exactly what we wanted. Maybe God sends what you need, and that person won’t be the color you wanted or the shape you had hoped for. Dear Christians, maybe God will send someone who doesn’t know the word so they can learn it through you.”
J. Wesley could write a book on love. And he did. Lessons learned poured into pages of his book, offers insight into the heart of this man as he puts pen to paper to write his wrongs. Coming to terms that people aren’t perfect, which makes love between them imperfect, J. Wesley speaks on ideals and understanding that in relationships, what you need always surpasses what you want.
So Divine: Tell me about Wesley before this book. Who were you in dating and what was your approach?
J. Wesley: I’ve been a combination of people. Spontaneous and care free to a fault. I didn’t care about how other people perceived things. I was insecure. I wasn’t good at communicating verbally. If you put me in a position to talk, I would clam up a little bit. But I learned as I grew. And as many flaws as I think I had, I was still kind. I was also equally giving which is strange.Writing has helped me mature. I started writing to use as a tool to mature. I’ve been writing for the past 9, 10 years.
So Divine: Were you perceived as a good guy or a heartbreaker before the book?
J. Wesley: It depended on the current relationship. I was always loyal in the beginning, but definitely battered a little bit due to first heartbreaks. I stayed in relationships more to play hero than the victim. I thought if I could only help them to see what I see, then things could be better. But you have to learn when its time to go. You could be a good person, just a horrible partner. People try to marry the two. Some people are just horrible lovers. I made a lot of mistakes out of immaturity. I was a good boyfriend until I was no longer vested in a relationship. When you’re young you’re not thinking long term, you’re not thinking consequence. I was a good person, I just made a lot of bad decisions.
So Divine: What inspired you to write the book?
J. Wesley: The reason why I started writing was because I didn’t want a lot of men to follow down my path. I wanted them to learn from my mistakes. At the same time I also wanted to show women not to lose hope in men. There are a lot of good men who made poor decisions, and if we took the time to read, we could realize that we’re not as different as we think we are. I wasn’t really confident with my writing for the longest. But I had friends who supported me and told me that I had to do more. They said you have to share this. I don’t think you know how good you are. I had to tell a story. So I had to try. Nothing tired, nothing done.
So Divine: How is this book different from other books centered on love?
J. Wesley: The book is a lot of my experience. I’m able to tell other’s stories as well, because I can relate to it, so its our stories. The majority of it is what I’ve been through and what I learned along the way, as well as what I want to feel. We don’t really cope well. People cope by ignoring and adding layers and layers. We go from relationship to relationship with the same baggage. So this book, and I’ve seen from the responses, cuts through a lot. I only write about my experience and what I know. I won’t write about marriage because it’s not what I know.
So Divine: What’s your view on relationships now as opposed to then?
J. Wesley: In relationships we tend to put everything a box. Black and white. But when you’re in a situation you realize how gray it gets. If it was black and white it would be easy. Everyone would be married. There would be no break ups. When you’re in a situation and you realize you have feelings and history with a person, thats where it gets gray. You have people who are miserable in relationships, but they’re still there. One of my weakness is the ability to see red flags in people, but still walk closer to see if the color is real. Your character develops through experiences. We are human, and with any act everyone understands what forgiveness is until they have to forgive. People make poor decisions. People bring out ugly sides of you also. You have to figure out where am I the cause, and where am I the cure. I have more experience and a deeper understanding of what a relationship is. It’s about what makes you and your partner happy.
So Divine: You said some people miss their blessings because its not packaged in the way they want it…
J. Wesley: As people we sometimes block our own blessings. With Christians in general, some have lived a life that made them realize this is where I need to be. They think that because they are in a certain place, everyone else has to be in that place, because they don’t want to waste time. A lot of christians want God to know/understand their heart, but they don’t know/understand God’s heart. So if God says this is who I have for you, who am I to question that? You already started the process of blocking your blessing. How many people did you walk by because they weren’t your ideal? You have to keep your eyes open. I had friends who said I’m not going to force you to go to church. But I’ll keep the door open, so when you’re ready, you’ll find it. I found myself at church and even listening to gospel music. I asked my boy can you come to church with me.
So Divine: Where are you right now? Are you looking for a relationship?
J. Wesley: I’m dating. But it’s not the priority that it once was. My end goal is to be happyy. And if marriage is going make us happy, then thats the end goal. I’m dating now, but its interesting. The dating scene has changed and what people are looking for in a relationship has changed. At times I’m apprehensive to date. People are different, People don’t value substance as much. If I had to live a life helping others in relationships, I’m ok with that. I’m fulfilled helping others until I figure out out what it is i want to do. What it is I am looking for. What it is I have to give. You mentally have to want that. I treasure relationships and respect it enough to the point where I’d say if I’m not ready then id rather not do this.
So Divine: Do you have an ideal? And if she presented herself, would you jump at the opportunity?
J. Wesley: The most important thing is the chemistry. I am not going to run from that. I’m not going to turn down a good woman because in my head this is not what I want. I question everything. I remind myself that God got you. Even if you don’t realize it. And when I think that way, I’m ok.