Let_It_Go
By: Camellia Graham

In the privacy of my bedroom I cried out “Overflow, Lord! Overflow, Jesus! I NEED more! So much more! Now!” I paused blowing my nose and wiping away tears. Juanita Bynum’s powerful rendition of Overflow permeated the morning air. But this time, I mouthed the words along with her, “thank you, Jesus, for your overflow; thank you for the victory in my circumstances; hallelujah, thank ya! Thank ya! Thank ya!” I slowly regained my composure. My breathing returned to normal as I closed out the 4:30 a.m. prayer time. A practice I’d started at the beginning of 2013. Daylight had begun creeping through the windows and it was time to prepare for work. My mind and my spirit kept repeating the phrase, “Help me, Father.” I completed my routine, picked up my bags and headed to the front door pausing to wish my son a blessed day. Almost at the front door now, I hesitated trying to make up my mind whether I should grab the stack of bills piling up on the dining room table. “On second thought, forget it,” I grumbled to myself. Why memorize who I owed and how much I owed them? That certainly wasn’t going to make me feel any better.

On the elevator ride to the lobby, that knot of anxiety swelled inside my belly. I’d finally admitted that I hated my job. Yes, it brought food and paid a few bills. But I’d grown to detest it and the pale-faced, lumpy supervisor who was a witch. Immediately, I was convicted in my spirit. It was still a job, right? I had to believe God for a better one, but in the meantime… After all, didn’t God know all about me and those hours spent in morning glory? Shouldn’t that count for something?

At 7:58 a.m., I entered the office, approached my desk and sat my bags down. A short time later, I was informed I had been let go. What??? But I prayed! It was now 8:30 a.m., and I was heading back home – most people hadn’t even gotten to work yet! “Why, God?” I screamed inwardly.

I spent the next eight months in spiritual torment as I struggled with God. For years, I existed in limbo – I hadn’t realized how unhappy I was because I was too busy being what I thought everyone else needed. I’d lost sight of myself so long ago I couldn’t remember forgetting. But God knew, after all, He knew me! Yes, life is a journey and you never know where it will lead. But a life without God at the center is certain to be a horror show – you’ll never know what to expect and every obstacle will cast long eerie, intimidating shadows.

I’ve been relocated now for a few months and guess what? My life isn’t over! It’s not awful at all. Truthfully, I’m happier than I’ve been in years! God has pressed my reset button and, in essence, given me a brand new start. He’s enlarged my territory, filled my life with new meaning and purpose, extended my family and increased my opportunities. Every day, He continues to challenge and inspire me to utilize all my gifts, talents and abilities.

Lastly, the early-morning prayer times weren’t wasted at all. God knew my past and pain, He was grooming me to stand in Him. Time spent with God is never wasted; it’s always an investment that keeps paying dividends! As a matter of fact, this new chapter has only just begun!