Dear God, I’m not understanding why things are the way they are in my life. I’ve always been a good girl Lord; you know that. Somehow I thought I would be rewarded… – Entry from my journal.
For as long as I can remember I’ve tried my utter best to live a life that was pleasing to God. In turn, I expected an outpour of blessings and not a single ounce of struggle or pain. I felt like it was part of the deal. I walk in obedience, and he (meaning God) gives me what I want. It’s an even exchange. I mean after all, I could be living it up and doing what I want when I want how I want, but no, I ‘ve chosen a path of righteousness. I’ve been the good girl for years and somehow felt entitled to a blessing. Pretty bold huh? Ever felt like that? Well I certainly have.
God I’ve done this and I’ve done that, I’ve been this, and I‘ve been that. I’ve kept the commandments and done all that you’ve told me to. The least you could do is reward me for it. I believed things should happen the way I want them to, when I expect them to. I gave up all the enticing pleasures of this world to follow you so therefore, you owe me. Needless to say, that outlook was pretty bad. And when you think about it who really owes who?
Living an honest and righteous life is not a favor that you do for anybody but yourself. It’s kind of like the child who gets good grades and feels like he deserves a prize, when in actuality you’re supposed to get good grades. Moreover, we don’t come to God for what he can give us, but it should be our love, and fear of him (meaning reverence or respect) that keeps us on the path of the straight and narrow. There’s no doubt that living for Christ has its rewards (Hebrews 11:6) (other than the ultimate reward which is obvious), and I get that we all want to be recognized for our good deeds. But I had to seriously search my heart and realize that this is so much deeper.
They story of Job and his suffering came about as a test to prove that if God took away everything he had given Job, Job wouldn’t be as sold out to the Lord and would “curse him to his face” (Job 1:8-12). Job proved himself to be committed; not renouncing his faith even though his life took a serious plunge for the worst. He held his ground stating “Though he slay me yet will I trust him” (Job 15:13). His devotion was not based on things.
Waking up every morning is reason enough to have a heart of gratitude (as opposed to entitlement) toward God. Our very purpose for being is to worship him (Ecclesiastes 12:13). Christ gave us his life, and life is our reward. So actually, I’m the one who owes him!
Written by: By: Shenelle Wallace