This picture pretty much sums up what I’ve been feeling lately. While some things are moving along, there are those annoyances that keep creeping up and messing up my flow. Rail, car and bus traffic in the most inopportune times, piled on work that feels like it’s just not getting done, miscommunications, headaches, and painful muscle spasms, the works. I have been feeling like some key things that are important to me are just not happening, and that I have no control over them. I’m stressed. I’ve got stuff happening at work that’s been difficult to navigate around, people that are pulling complete 360s on me and attacking my whole character because of one misunderstanding, trains which never run late, running super late when I choose to take that to get to work a little earlier (and end up getting there later)…….. I’ve just been feeling attacked all around and like I can’t do anything right. How can I be hustling so hard each day, trying to accommodate others so much and still end up here? I think this is where the strength of everything God’s laid on my heart is coming from.
I will lift up my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord who created heaven and earth. Ps 121:1-2
My inability to see my way out of these things, and understanding what God is going to do next has been getting me even more frustrated. A good mentor of mine mentioned a few pearls to a group of us at church these past few weeks, and I’m starting to see the relevance to my own life. The first thing he said was: “If you can see it, it’s not faith.” The next thing he said which goes with it, is “We need to have stubborn faith.”
I’m really holding onto this, and imagining a stubborn child who just wants to grab a piece of candy off of the dining table which he’s too short to reach. He jumps, and reaches and reaches, but once he realizes his inadequacies, he goes to the mom or dad for help to get it. Now, if it’s something he’s allowed to have, the parent of course will give it to him, but if this kid already has rotten teeth, or if the candy has some grossly unhealthy ingredients or side effects, the kid won’t have it, but for his own good. I’m really working on having that stubborn faith, and believing that all things really are working for my good. It’s really hard to see that the bad annoyances are working for your good. It’s rather easy when you’re on the other end of whatever hill you just climbed to say oh, it wasn’t that bad, but somehow in the middle of it, it feels that bad! But I’m trying to learn to have a more holistic and long term focus, because I know that’s what God is working on. He has more than enough grace to fill my inadequacies, and his thoughts of me are greater than I can imagine, regardless of what others think or say about me. He has his own ways of placing and removing things from my life, and His judgment will always be right. I’m using this time as a weightlifting class for my faith. He sees the whole picture, and it’s bright, so I have to just see God and know that my future is bright in His hands.
As always, as I’m encouraging myself, I hope this encourages you through whatever may be happening with you as well. I write as I grow, and I pray that we all keep growing!