When you fall out of love, it’s heartbreaking. You’re left to wonder what went wrong; was it me, was it him (or her)? It wasn’t like this in the beginning. What changed? Disappointment. That’s it. When what you expect, is not what you get. You’re fed up and can’t take it anymore and it’s time to call it quits, because they did not keep their end of the bargain. And so I fell out of love with Jesus.
It’s not that the love was entirely gone. It’s just that I didn’t know where the relationship was going. Promises made that had yet to be fulfilled discouraged me. He gave me his word, and I trusted him. But his timing was off. He’s a good man. This I know, but I wasn’t “feeling him.” So I created some distance. Huge mistake.
Why God waits until you’re ready to give up on Him to come through, I don’t know. But there I was throwing in the towel. I constantly hear “There’s nothing out there” (in the “world” that is), but when it seems like nothing is going on here either (in the “church”) what difference does it make? So I took one foot out and went. I did what I wanted to, with slight convictions yes, but not enough to keep me in the will of God. God’s voice was still talking though. By this point I didn’t want to hear it. As a matter of fact I refused to hear it until, I had a huge wake up call. The type of wakeup call when you’re in trouble and you realize that it’s not God who brought you here. I took the bait of the evil one, and fell into his trap. I listened to negative thoughts in my mind and took lies for truth, the complete opposite of what God said. But I thank God for unconditional love.
I ran back to God and there he was. He always was there. It wasn’t him who left, I did. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would. But I can’t. Pain and experiences teach us lessons, to adhere to what we already know is true. So much looks tempting when we’re in a “dry” season. Naturally, we thirst. But the grass can’t be that much greener without the one who created it.
We don’t always have to “feel” in order to “hear” as the old folks would say. Obedience in itself can save us from all the consequences that come with disobedience. So you can choose. To stay in love, or fall out of it. But I chose, to fall back in love with Jesus.