By: Shirley Touzin-Diarra

I Hear You. I’m yelping for help, screaming for some relief, but yet and still I must take the pain of this birthing process without any spiritual epidural. The frustration of contracting for what seems like an eternity without pushing in sight has got me in a chokehold. Writhing in anguish God please Speak to me!!!! This agony is trying to kill me. I’m isolated, misunderstood all while trying to birth a live baby, A bouncing ministry, a joyous life, and a beautiful relationship with God, and all those that surround me. The discomfort of being impregnated with a double portion of greatness has taken its toll on me. I’ve prayed over and over and over and over again in hopes that every time that I pray, something different would occur, maybe this time I’d find some type of solace, Maybe in this one moment in time peace would be allotted, and I would immediately view this situation as a blessing and not a curse.

I’m tired of pretending, smiling while tears flood my heart, and surround my insides with enough flow to quench a dying nations’ thirst. I feel abandoned with nowhere to go, and no one to speak to. Why? Because greatness often times stands alone. Even in a crowded room full of joy and glee, all sorts of merriment all around me, I’m alone, and isolated feeling not one morsel of peace. Joy has been repeatedly taken voraciously without reprieve. And my heart has been left to sustain itself, and it has no more fuel to give of itself what it needs love. I’m praying for everyone and things are coming to pass. I’m speaking life to other people while it appears as if only death is what I’m living through. God please speak to me, my ears are bleeding from this deafening silence. The quietness is blaring and I’m noticing noises I’ve never heard before. There’s this rumbling in the pit of my gut as anxiety tries to steel my comfort and trust in you. Awaken by the screeching sound of you not speaking a solitary word. I’m confronted with self, and her unwillingness to die! In order for me to live, and to hear you clearly I have to face the hurt, the pain, the loss, the rejection. Because you have never stopped speaking Lord.

 My unwillingness to die to self and forgive those that have harmed me has blocked me from hearing you. The clutter of thoughts that constantly infiltrate my mind with a slew of accusations, and a borage of insults have kept me from hearing that still small voice that comforts. You are not void of hearing, you hear the faintest, most feeble cry and you send your peace that passes all understanding to guard our hearts and minds. You never leave us comfortless Lord Jesus! Not being able to hear you has to be the hardest thing to endure. It has to be the most loneliest place. God I ask that you cleanse me from everything that keeps me from hearing you. I pray that you allow me to hear only those things that make living this Christian life easy to walk. I want nothing more than to be pleasing in your sight. Allow me to embrace the process of birthing the greatness that you created me to be.

 I understand Lord that you’re always with me in the darkest of times, you will never leave me and you will never stop speaking. So cause me to listen intently while you instruct me to bare down and push the greatness out of me. I won’t let the pain Disable me! MY Ability to hear will not be altered because of life situations. You are listening to me and making provisions, even when it seems I’m praying in vain you’re working it out. I’m thankful I love you and ask that you would help anyone reading this who has ever felt the pains of being impregnated with greatness. I pray that they hold on to you even in the quiet times. Because in the quiet times you are moving on their behalf making sure all goes well. Teach them to know the different between you not speaking, and them not being able to hear due to the constant noise of the cares of this world. Help us all to listen intently. Because you’re speaking. I know because my body responded with a hello Jesus as you spoke life into my today. Thank you Father
I hear You!